Thursday, March 6, 2014

In His Presence

Its Been Five Years
That was going to be the title of this post, a post that has been making laps in my head for quite awhile. But, then I saw something that changed my perspective. You see in the last five years I've met Linda McAfee and her family. I always knew who Danny was, he was in school with my sisters and his younger brother was my age, but I had never met Linda. Had it not been for the tragedy that affected her life five years ago, I might not know her now.  See while I was composing a post about how close I came to losing my daughter, Linda has been living with the death of her son. The 5th year anniversary of Ryan's death was just a week or two before the 5th anniversary of Masen's hospitalization. I remember hearing about the wreck that took Ryan, but I couldn't have predicted how much it would eventually impact my family. I'm happy to call Linda a friend now, and Lance, well, the english language doesn't have the right words to describe how we feel about Lance.

You see, seeing her post about Ryan's anniversary made me stop and take a new look at how I viewed what happened to Masen. I don't know why death took Ryan and only grasped at Masen. I don't know  why my beautiful girl is alive and living her life, giggling with her friends, enjoying and experiencing the joys and heartbreaks of high school, and able to hug me close while others can't. I don't know why I get to buy prom dresses and buy make up while Betsy has had to learn to become a medical professional to Audra. (Betsy, you amaze me and I pray for your family daily) What I DO know is that God knows why.  All I can do is pray for the clarity to understand my role in His plan for me.

Did you know strep can be dangerous? How many kids a year get strep throat? Its common. It goes around a few times a year and you go to the doctor, get an antibiotic, and get better in a week or so. (For the record, Masen took every last dose of her antibiotic. EVERY DOSE. Yes, I have lingering issues for the snide comments I heard about not finishing it) Now, the way I understood it, and if this is wrong someone can correct me, but there is a strain of  strep that convinces your body that your kidneys are part of the illness. So, while you take your antibiotic and defeat the actual strep, your body continues to fight your kidneys thinking they are part of the sickness.

I KNEW something was wrong. Mrs. Waldrop knew it too.  I took her to doctors from McAlester to Tulsa to OKC and was told she had an allergy. We went to a dance competition, taking the tissues out of her nose as she walked on stage because her nose bleeds wouldn't stop. Her blood pressure was so high one doctor called it a miracle that she didn't have a stroke. Her kidneys had stopped working to the point a nurse asked me if I had poured chocolate milk into her urine sample. At one point her blood pressure was so high and unstable that the paramedics who were to transport her from Tulsa to OKC refused to take her. It was too risky. A nurse convinced them it would be OK, saving us from the helicopter ride. It was horrible and I wasn't always nice to those around me. BUT and this is a big one, I got to bring my child home. If you meet her today you will see a beautiful, wonderfully goofy, smart and amazing young woman. You won't know she was ever that sick. Her kidneys are fine, there are no more dietary restrictions and the BP monitors have all been put away.

So why her? Why not her? I believe with every piece of my heart God's plans.  I know my God is in control. I know we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I know God is alive and loves us. Linda, Ryan's death directly impacted my life in ways I've never shared with you, ways I didn't even realize until just recently. I pray for your peace and comfort. I'm thankful for Lance and the son you raised to love God.

This post doesn't really have a "point". It is what it is. Hug your kids, love with everything you have because our journey on this earth has an ending. Find a way to God and pray for faith.