Thursday, March 6, 2014

In His Presence

Its Been Five Years
That was going to be the title of this post, a post that has been making laps in my head for quite awhile. But, then I saw something that changed my perspective. You see in the last five years I've met Linda McAfee and her family. I always knew who Danny was, he was in school with my sisters and his younger brother was my age, but I had never met Linda. Had it not been for the tragedy that affected her life five years ago, I might not know her now.  See while I was composing a post about how close I came to losing my daughter, Linda has been living with the death of her son. The 5th year anniversary of Ryan's death was just a week or two before the 5th anniversary of Masen's hospitalization. I remember hearing about the wreck that took Ryan, but I couldn't have predicted how much it would eventually impact my family. I'm happy to call Linda a friend now, and Lance, well, the english language doesn't have the right words to describe how we feel about Lance.

You see, seeing her post about Ryan's anniversary made me stop and take a new look at how I viewed what happened to Masen. I don't know why death took Ryan and only grasped at Masen. I don't know  why my beautiful girl is alive and living her life, giggling with her friends, enjoying and experiencing the joys and heartbreaks of high school, and able to hug me close while others can't. I don't know why I get to buy prom dresses and buy make up while Betsy has had to learn to become a medical professional to Audra. (Betsy, you amaze me and I pray for your family daily) What I DO know is that God knows why.  All I can do is pray for the clarity to understand my role in His plan for me.

Did you know strep can be dangerous? How many kids a year get strep throat? Its common. It goes around a few times a year and you go to the doctor, get an antibiotic, and get better in a week or so. (For the record, Masen took every last dose of her antibiotic. EVERY DOSE. Yes, I have lingering issues for the snide comments I heard about not finishing it) Now, the way I understood it, and if this is wrong someone can correct me, but there is a strain of  strep that convinces your body that your kidneys are part of the illness. So, while you take your antibiotic and defeat the actual strep, your body continues to fight your kidneys thinking they are part of the sickness.

I KNEW something was wrong. Mrs. Waldrop knew it too.  I took her to doctors from McAlester to Tulsa to OKC and was told she had an allergy. We went to a dance competition, taking the tissues out of her nose as she walked on stage because her nose bleeds wouldn't stop. Her blood pressure was so high one doctor called it a miracle that she didn't have a stroke. Her kidneys had stopped working to the point a nurse asked me if I had poured chocolate milk into her urine sample. At one point her blood pressure was so high and unstable that the paramedics who were to transport her from Tulsa to OKC refused to take her. It was too risky. A nurse convinced them it would be OK, saving us from the helicopter ride. It was horrible and I wasn't always nice to those around me. BUT and this is a big one, I got to bring my child home. If you meet her today you will see a beautiful, wonderfully goofy, smart and amazing young woman. You won't know she was ever that sick. Her kidneys are fine, there are no more dietary restrictions and the BP monitors have all been put away.

So why her? Why not her? I believe with every piece of my heart God's plans.  I know my God is in control. I know we are not guaranteed tomorrow. I know God is alive and loves us. Linda, Ryan's death directly impacted my life in ways I've never shared with you, ways I didn't even realize until just recently. I pray for your peace and comfort. I'm thankful for Lance and the son you raised to love God.

This post doesn't really have a "point". It is what it is. Hug your kids, love with everything you have because our journey on this earth has an ending. Find a way to God and pray for faith.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Its OK

I don't blog anymore. Its sad because I started doing it as a way to record our life together for our kids. I love looking back and reading some of the things they did and said. I just haven't felt like doing it for quite awhile now. I wont lie, its been a rough couple of years for me.  Its been a time of brokenness and redemption, of being completely shattered and taken down to nothing, and of letting go and letting God put me back together in His way. 

I am 43 years old and in the last two years I've had two major revelations. 1. Its going to be ok. No, really, until about a year ago I never understood that. Now, I can say it and believe it. 2. Each day is a gift. I was driving down the road about 6 months ago and a song came on and it hit me, each day is a gift from God. A gift. See for as long as I can remember, most days were something to be endured, just gotten through, even a punishment. I'm not saying I don't still have work to do, I know I do, but thank God I'm not where I was. 

Who knows, maybe I will even start writing again.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Its Been Awhile

I don't know why I haven't felt like writing. I don't do well with change and the last year has seen some major changes for me. New house, new schools, just being away from my familiar are all things that normally cause me to hide out for awhile. However, this amount of time is excessive for even me!

So lets play catch up.

Masen finished her freshman year of high school. She loved every minute of it, saying it was the best year EVER. LOL. She took drivers ed this summer and turned 15 yrs old. When did this happen? In her freshman year she excelled. I'd list her accomplishments but really, that would just be obnoxious. ;) So, I'll just slyly mention it and pretend that is not just as obnoxious!

Dillon is entering 7th grade. He played Jr. High baseball and declared his new school better than his old. He enters the world more slowly than his sister, who generally dives in head first and then thinks about how deep it might be. Dillon tests the waters and wades in, but he gets where he is going. He made new friends and still has his A's. As I type right now I am sitting inside the OU baseball stadium watching him at a camp. Ha. My OU loyalty is starting to pay off. LOL. I'm turning them, slowly but surely. He has decided that baseball is what he wants to focus on and has been working hard on his skills. However, todays schedule here at OU is 9 am to 8 pm in the Oklahoma heat.  He might just decide to take up thumb wrestling after this.

So as I sit here watching children sweat and flirt with heat stroke (kidding they take good care of them) it occurs to me I have quite a bit of time to kill, so beware. Maybe my hide and seek period is ending.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Hey, Camo Works!

One 11 year old boy.
One gilley suit.
Two horses, each with a rider.
Boy wearing gilley suit hides in bushes. As horses and riders approach, he stands scaring the living snot out of both horses, both riders, a few birds and one already anxiety-ridden dog.

Score one for the boy!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Oh The Horror! Otherwise Titled MAKE IT STOP

First day of school 2012. I have a Freshman and a 6th grader. New school. New home. Have I ever mentioned I don't do well with change? No? Well...I DON'T.

New School. New Priorities.

Talking to Dillon about attending a new school this year:

Me: So Bubba, what do you like about your new school? (I was thinking, the kids, teachers, food, recess...)
Dillon: High school girls.

Uh oh!

Sunday, June 10, 2012